A Glutton For Punishment….

Ok, so I’m not so great at this blogging thing.  I think once I get going, I’m ok, but the frequency of putting my thoughts to words have been few & far in between.

I have a feeling of being blessed today!  I can remember a time, awhile back, when I would get up in the morning with an overwhelming feeling of dread.  As soon as I opened my eyes, I could feel my whole body as a ton of bricks.  It would take everything in me to get the motivation to cook up a pot of coffee and get it down.  After the WHOLE pot, I would be good for a while, but it seemed as if I would CRASH in about 2-hours, if I even made it that long. 

You see, I have the disease of addiction looming in my background.  I have struggled with alcohol and it’s obsession for as long as I can remember.  I have come to believe that alcohol is not my only vice.  I am a smoker, and every time I try to quit, I seem to be smoking more (anyone who knows me can recall my famous line…”I sure have been smoking a lot since I’ve quit).  Mind over matter? Probably!

I also recognize that when I’m sad, I like to eat.  When I’m bored, I like to eat.  When I’m happy, we need to go out to eat.  Mind over matter? Probably!

I began my working career (or at least the one that I’m in now, and the only one I feel which really counts), over 15 years ago.  I literally have put my sweat, heart & soul in this job.  I fooled myself into believing that I NEEDED to put in 60 hours a week in order to provide for my family, as I was a single parent.  That may be some-what, but, the true fact is that I had never felt more safe and removed from the general public, as when I was at the shop.  I felt no one could touch me there.  Mind over matter? Probably!

I had become controlled by all of my vices (glutton).  I could not go anywhere unless I knew alcohol wouldn’t be served there; unless I had enough smokes in my pack; unless I had some food in my backpack; and unless my phone was on my hip, because work might call, and I may need to leave!

What kind of life is that?  I wonder how many people in this world are controlled by their outside environments and/or vices?  Where is the weak link? And, how can we break it?

I would like to hear from all my cyber-peeps….What’s your vice?

AND,

Are you a glutton for punishment?

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Posted on March 27, 2010, in General, Recovery and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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